Losing Control
by CassiexLynn
Summary: Set at the beginning of New Moon. When Jasper attacked Bella at her birthday party, how did he react? What made the Cullen's finally decide to leave?


**A/N: I wanted to write something about Jasper, and this idea came to me. I'll admit, I wanted to write something different, but no ideas would come to me. So I just wrote this one out instead.  
Also, being Jasper in a family crisis must be a very difficult job. I mean, how does he survive having to feel the distress of 7 vampires, rather than just himself? And having to calm them all down as well?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. Also, I don't have any super-cool vampire abilities. I only wish.**

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**Jasper POV**

Emmett and Rosalie dragged me outside, and my thoughts began to become unclouded as the scent of fresh blood diminished. I felt like a savage as I recalled the vicious way that I had attacked Bella. Didn't I have more self-control than that? Apparently not.

"You can let go of me now," I told Emmett and Rosalie quietly when they showed no signs of easing up on their grips. I felt them both grow uncertain, although the scent of blood was lost in the strong odor of trees and grass. None of us three remained thirsty at this point. "The blood's gone. I can control myself."

They both heard the calm in my tone, for they let me go at that moment. I buried my head in my hands, still unwilling to believe that I had snapped like I had from the smell of Bella's blood. I saw Esme approaching us, and I sensed worry radiating off of her. She arrived to us in a matter of seconds and put her arm around me in comfort. She was my mother, in every sense of the word.

"Jasper, it's not your fault," Esme muttered in my ear, trying to reassure me. She didn't need an ability like mine to sense my overwhelming guilt. I shook my head and shrugged away from her. I regretted it immediately as I felt Esme's feelings abruptly become hurt.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know how Edward's going to take this. And thinking about how it must have scared Bella…" I trailed off, and sent a wave of calm to everyone as they began to react to my explanation. I was already tense enough myself, without having to handle everyone else's frustrations.

"We were all in your place at one point," Rosalie pointed out, surprising me. She meant well, but she usually stayed out of matters that related to Bella in any way. I shrugged off my slight shock within a matter of a few seconds, and I could tell that she didn't even notice.

"I know that. But still…" I trailed off, sensing a new, agitated person making their way towards us. I glanced up, spotting Edward. _I'm really sorry, Edward,_ I thought. He nodded briskly, and was next to me before I could blink an eye. He always was the quickest one in our family…

"How is she?" I asked. Not good, I supposed. Edward was feeling very agonized, and I allowed him some peacefulness.

"Her arm has a large gash in it. Carlisle is give her stitches now," Edward grimaced. _I'm really sorry,_ I repeated, in my head.

"I don't blame you ," Edward said, looking at me with curiosity, as if he wondered why I insisted on blaming myself. He was probably shouldering all the blame. He was feeling guilty, so I figured that my theory was probably correct. I eased up on his guilt.

"It's not your fault, either, Edward," I said, simply. My thoughts revealed a bit more to him. _I should have had more self-restraint._

"You can't control your thirst. You're newer at this than the rest of us."

"I should have at least been less of a savage," I sighed. Alice was coming out at that moment. I was usually overjoyed to see her, but I was feeling terrible at the moment. I hated it when she had to see me like this. Nevertheless, she hurried over and threw her arms around me. She was feeling more worried than anyone else was. Worry about me. She was so selfless; I felt lucky to have her.

"Are you alright, Jazz?" she whispered in my ear. I calmed her before I answered.

"I guess. I can't believe I lost it like that, though," I admitted. She felt a new wave of anxiety from my negative answer, and I felt inclined to get rid of it. Calming everyone down when I felt like focusing on my own emotions was the only burden of my ability. She stepped back a moment, surveying my face. She must have seen the intense guilt in my eyes, for she hugged me again, unsure of what to say.

"I can't keep putting her in danger," Edward finally broke the silence. He was feeling strong concern. Concern for Bella, was my guess.

"I'd bet that hanging with vampires fits under the 'danger' category," Emmett remarked, and received more than one glare in return. He realized his mistake and immediately tried to make amends. "Sorry."

"That's exactly the problem, though. We're too dangerous," Edward stated, and I sensed pain as he admitted it. That, and even more guilt.

"Edward, we can't do that to Bella!" Alice gasped, having seen our future as soon as Edward decided whatever it was that he had just decided.

"We have to, for her. We can't stay in Forks," he said. I gasped, realization dawning on me.

"Edward, you can't!" I exclaimed, speaking louder than I had since we had come outside. Alice, still in my arms, jumped at the sudden volume. "Sorry," I muttered, so only she would hear. She nodded in acknowledgement.

"Think about it. She would be much better off if she wasn't around us. Whenever we're around, she's at risk of losing her life. Tonight was just a glimpse of what _could_ happen," Edward said, firmly. I was feeling the emotions of four shocked vampires (not including myself), and a single reluctant, but stubborn, one. Reluctant because he didn't want to leave Bella, was my assumption. Stubborn because he hated to "put her in danger" (although I would call it "making himself happy"), and wanted it to stop.

"I won't let you do this because of some stupid mistake of mine," I said, sounding harsher than I had originally intended to. Edward sighed in exasperation.

"Don't you see? This was inevitable, in the end," Edward insisted.

"But, Edward, you love her so much. Are you sure you could do that to her?" Esme pointed out, softly. Edward was pained for a moment before he regained his composure, but it was long enough so that I could catch that brief flicker of weakness from him. I hated using my power to find weaknesses and manipulate people, but I knew that, at least this time, it was for a good cause. Edward heard my thoughts, and glared at me ferociously.

"This won't solve anything! I've felt the love that radiates off of both of you when you look at each other. You can't live without her, and vice versa. Just admit it," I said, knowing he wouldn't appreciate my broadcasting his private emotions to everyone.

"This will keep her alive. That's all I'm worried about," he stated, trying to force himself not to be hurt. His tone clearly left no room for argument. And yet, we still argued.

"Edward, you and Bella have something special. I wouldn't throw away a bond like you two have. It would be too difficult to endure. Don't do this to yourself," Esme offered. I felt Edward become aggravated, excruciatingly so.

"I'm being incredibly selfish by staying here. I won't do it anymore," Edward growled. I calmed him down, and realized that all of this mood-manipulating was making _my_ mood even worse.

"Then stop manipulating our emotions," Edward said, not quite in a growl, since I was still calming him. But his intent was clear.

"I'm leaving. That's it. If you want her out of danger, _I'll _go. Okay?" I scowled, the frustration finally taking its effect on me. Esme spotted a fight about to start between Edward and myself.

"Okay, okay! Calm yourselves! We'll have a family meeting and discuss this as soon as Bella goes home," Esme ordered. With that, both her and Edward strode inside.

Edward came back outside a moment later, telling Alice that she needed to help Bella find some new clothes to wear home. I noticed that he was carefully avoiding my gaze. Alice was excited that she would get to dress Bella up again, but she looked at me in worry before she left, making sure that I would be okay for a minute without her there. I nodded, and she kissed me once on the cheek before going inside with Edward. I was left alone with Rosalie and Emmett.

I noted that Rosalie had said nearly nothing throughout the entire argument, although she had certainly felt as much anxiety as everyone else had. I figured that Bella was starting to feel like family to her. She didn't want to say something bad about Bella, but she also didn't want to defend her, because she didn't completely trust her yet. So she decided to stay silent. However, Rosalie was always a difficult person for me to interpret. She had had a difficult history, and didn't think the same way as other people did.

Emmett was a considerable amount simpler to figure out. He was the "funny guy", and didn't do well in these types of serious situations. He did care, an enormous amount, but he couldn't do much but listen without blurting out some sarcastic comment. Today was proof of that.

After a couple of minutes of silence, I heard Bella's truck start up. I flinched as I thought of how much I must have scared her. She had finally seen the monstrous side; the side of our family that Edward so desperately tried to shield her from.

As soon as the truck's roar faded into the distance, I felt that it was safe to retreat to the inside of my home. Emmett and Rosalie followed.

Edward was the only one missing when we got inside. I went up to Alice and took her hand. She looked at me with worry, and I kissed her forehead in reassurance. I remained by her side; that was the way it had always been with us, ever since the first day when she found me in that diner.

All six of us waited in silence; so many years of eventless nights had made us incredibly patient. I was relatively certain that Esme had already filled Carlisle in on my and Edward's argument.

When Alice's phone went off, she flipped it open within half a ring. "Edward?" Her words were hurried as everyone listened to her, eagerly. "Are you sure?… And she's insisting on that?… Okay… Bye."

We were all staring at her expectantly when she hung up her phone, and she quickly explained, "Bella wants Edward to stay with her tonight, but he's going to sneak away as soon as she falls asleep. He plans on only staying here long enough for us to settle this."

We fell back into our silent waiting, and all remained peaceful. Edward was taking longer than I had anticipated, and I began to wonder why. I glanced around, realizing that Bella's unopened presents were gone._ Edward must be opening them with her,_ I realized, then continued bitterly, _That's incredibly sweet of him, considering how he's going to just leave her. _

He finally did arrive, though, and he was simply radiating aggravation and stubbornness. He cleared his throat and began with no hesitation.

"I'm assuming that you all know what happened outside, after the incident during the party." He said it as a statement, but looked at Carlisle for permission to continue before he went on. "I simply believe that we should move, and leave Bella alone in Forks, in order to protect her."

I had to hold back a laugh. The thought in itself was insane. I admitted to myself that I probably wouldn't have felt so strongly about this if I wasn't the one that began it all, but I _had_ been that one. There was no changing it, and I wouldn't stop trying to fix things, since I was the one that messed it up in the first place.

"But _I_ believe that that's absolutely ridiculous. As I said, I'll leave as long as you stay," I snarled. Everyone was surprised, myself included, at my sudden ferocity. I was acting even worse than I had been before. I guessed that the monster from earlier was beginning to contaminate my civil side as well.

"And Alice will go with you, no matter where you go, so we already have nearly half of the family leaving. Why don't we all leave, and let her have a clean break?" Edward snapped. I sent a wave of peace to everyone, for nearly all were beginning to get riled up.

"Why don't we discuss this rationally?" Carlisle suggested, having been the only one who hadn't needed any calming from me. "Edward, you want to leave in order to keep Bella safe?" Edward nodded. "Jasper, you think that he's overreacting?" I nodded. "In all fairness, this is really Edward's decision to make."

A sea of disappointment rippled through the room, with the exception of Edward. He was worried, but still smug about getting his way. But even Rosalie hadn't been hoping for this; for Edward to get his way.

"Well, then. We're leaving," Edward repeated. Everyone was silent. Edward left out the front door after staring at us for a moment, almost as if he had been waiting for someone to contradict him. I assumed he was going to go back to Bella's, as he had promised her. As if she wouldn't be heartbroken enough, he was going to continue to lead her on until the last possible second. Remind me again why he was insisting on walking out on her?

Nearly everyone left the room then, leaving Alice and me alone.

"Why does he have to be so goddamn stubborn?" I whispered. I didn't understand how he could leave Bella if she was as important to him as Alice was to me. I took her in my arms and gently squeezed my delicate angel. _Or, rather, ferocious vampire,_ I corrected, smiling to myself.

"I don't know," she admitted, after thinking for a moment. I pondered my options for a moment, then abruptly made up my mind.

"That's it. I'm leaving tonight," I stated.

"What? Why?" Alice looked at me in confusion as I held her close. She probably hadn't taken me seriously when I had told Edward I would go.

"It's probably a lost cause, but I have to try. I can't be the reason that he leaves her. Maybe, if the danger is gone, he'll stay."

"Jasper! You're not the danger!" she told me, sternly.

"But I _was_ the danger tonight. We're going to have to leave eventually, anyway, seeing as how Edward won't change his mind. I might as well leave earlier, in hopes that he'll change his mind," I sighed.

"Then I'm going with you." She was determined in that, I could tell. I smiled into her hair, grateful that I would never end up alone, no matter what I did. I would always have her.

That night, me and Alice drove off, not even sure yet as to where we were heading. I took one last glance at this place that had been my family's sanctuary for so long, unsure of whether or not I'd ever be returning. I couldn't believe how one mistake had shattered it all; everything we had worked for, the peace that we had finally found. I felt guilty for causing all of this. Maybe I could somehow right it by leaving; maybe I could save the rest of my family the pain of having to leave.

Or so I hoped.


End file.
